Currently Listening Classic Sinatra By Frank Sinatra see related

Is it late night or early morning?

Current Mood: Mixed...    

Saturday night/Sunday mornings are always fun for me.  I don't go to church, so I don't have to worry about getting up early or anything.  This allows me to stay up until 4am or so and do whatever I please.  Tonight's a bit different because the air in my room smells like Captain Morgan.  My roommate went out to a get together with some of his friends and got more than a little drunk.  He came in and went to bed and I left for a while--went to Pershing to hang out with friends.  I came back about ten minutes ago and just from his breathing in and out while sleeping, the smell of Captain Morgan has permeated the room.  I'm not making this up either.  My friend across the hall came in and smelled it too.  All I can say is wow.  Not only because my roommate has alcohol that strong on his breath, but also because people actually like Captain Morgan.  Eh...  I have more important things to write about.

Last night... the night before last... FRIDAY NIGHT was the RHA Ball, where the new President and Vice President are inaugurated.  Many of you already know that I ran for President this year, and I didn't get to find out the results until everyone else did at the ball.  The evening started out fine for me.  I had friends there, both from RHA Congress and guests that I had invited, including my sister and some friends from my Res Hall.  I was a little bit nervous during dinner because I had both the Associate Director of Residential Life and the Vice Chancellor of Student Affairs sitting at my table, and I really didn't want to make a fool of myself somehow through eating (not really a huge fear, since I've been to several etiquette dinners and know my way around a place setting tolerably well).  During the course of dinner I was fine.  I conversed and laughed along with everyone else as normal, but when the speaking started, I began to get really nervous. 

I didn't really start freaking out until Heather (our advisor) presented me with an award as the "outgoing Vice President."  Something about the way she worded what she said just seemed to say "you didn't win, sorry."  After sitting down from accepting the award I started freaking out (internally, of course... on the outside I just got quieter and tenser, but inside I was going bonkers).  Anyway, the long and the short of it is that after I had squeezed the fabric softener out of my cloth napkin it was announced that my slate did, in fact, win the election.  The relief, joy, and pride that washed through me at that moment nearly brought me to tears right there, and I think the only thing that saved me from that fate was the fact that the Vice President is inaugurated first (giving me the chance to sit down and re-compose myself). 

After Nate (my running mate and the new VP) had given his inaugural speech, it was my turn.  Justin gave me the oath of office (which contained an inside joke shared between all the members of the executive board, but Justin and me in particular) and I gave my speech.  I never actually wrote the speech because every time I sat down to do it, something about the wording didn't seem to work for me, so I had to wing it.  I gave an alright speech, I guess.  I've gotten mostly good reviews on it.  The only hiccup was when someone's cell phone interfered with the PA in a huge way and cut out my mike.  It was alright, though, because it offered a moment of situational levity in a mostly serious speech.

After the official business was concluded the dancing began.  Justin and I got to sing our Sinatra together, as demanded by tradition.  This year we sang "Fly Me To The Moon."  After we finished, I was struck by a humbling thought.  That might have been the last time that Justin and I will ever sing Sinatra together.  This was followed up by a second thought that floored me so much that I had to physically sit down to take it in properly.  This Monday, when we have our next RHA Congress meeting, Justin won't be there.  It's odd to think of RHA without Justin.  For so long, the two have been as close to synonymous as is possible in my head.  It's weird to think that he won't be running Executive Board meetings anymore, and it's weirder still to realize that I will be the one running the meetings.  I'm not saying that I'm not satisfied with being President or anything of the sort.  It's just going to be different without Justin.  Justin, I'm pretty sure you don't read this blog, or even know it exists, but I'll say this here anyway... you will be missed.

Anyway, I'm still riding pretty high from the other night, but at the same time I still feeling a nagging ache in my heart, residual from Valentines Day (and just in general).  I tend to feel lonely at some point every day (especially at night).  It's weird, though.  Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely it seems like I don't really want to be cheered up by anyone... like I'd rather stay lonely just to experience the feeling more fully--to almost revel in the sensation.  It's odd because I keep feeling like I would do almost anything to stop the lonely feeling, but at the same time I do things like sit alone in my room for hours listening to Sinatra and slow jazz and love songs and just feeling the loneliness wash over me.  Am I emotionally masochistic?  Maybe.  I'm still taking applications, if anyone's interested in the position... (is that really a funny metaphor or does it make the relationship sound less meaningful than it really could be? I'm not sure... it seemed funny at the time, but on re-reading it I'm not so sure... opinions?)

Okay... I think the fact that I'm parenthetically editing my writing and asking for input is a sign that it is time to stop typing and click the posting button...  Goodnight, world.

P.S.  I forgot to mention that I have created an official "User's Manual" for me.  It contains results from various tests I have taken (both scientific and not-so-scientific) over the years in order to lend insight into how I work.  Anyone is welcome to read it... just let me know.

Why does February have to exist?

So here I am again...  yet another lonely Valentines Day.  I have a meeting this evening for RHA Presidential campaigning, but after that I get to come back here and go with my usual annual V-Day routine of sitting alone listening to slow jazz, Frank Sinatra, and movie love themes because for some reason I see the need to punish myself for being single on the day a good chunk of the civilized world celebrates love. 

*Sigh*

I'm pretty pathetic...  Other people blog about interesting things like politics or literature or other things that are actually intellectually stimulating.  I just sit here and talk about my problems, which don't hold a candle to some of the shit that's going down in the world right now.  I realize this, of course, on an intellectual level, but I can't seem to get away from my own perceived problems.  I must be such a selfish bastard!

Currently Listening Gattaca: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack By Michael Nyman see related

More personality stuff that most of you probably already knew...

4- the Individualist Thanks for taking the test !

you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR (aka "The Romantic") "I am unique" Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive. How to Get Along with Me Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me. Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself. Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision. Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little. Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting! What I Like About Being a Four my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level my ability to establish warm connections with people admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor being unique and being seen as unique by others having aesthetic sensibilities being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me What's Hard About Being a Four experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved feeling guilty when I disappoint people feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me expecting too much from myself and life fearing being abandoned obsessing over resentments longing for what I don't have Fours as Children Often have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s are very sensitive feel that they don't fit in believe they are missing something that other people have attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc. become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce) Fours as Parents help their children become who they really are support their children's creativity and originality are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings are sometimes overly critical or overly protective are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages You liked the test? so please don't forget to RATE it... but remember! it had only two questions!!! you wanna know MORE? so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type... ...even more you'll find in Google or do you prefer to You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose BY Would you rather have chosen: AY (EIGHT) CY (SIX) BX (NINE) BZ (FIVE)